DE Pfeffel Piffle in Glasgow och aye

Cop Out 26 the alternative opening address in Glasgow by our convivial host De Pfeffel Johnson.

“”The First Cop Out summit was in Berlin 1995, and I have to tell you I was a climate change denier then, as many others were. I just did not get it, and it was not until 2 years ago, that I realised I could make personal gains if I switched , like we tell the plebs to do with their expensive energy suppliers.

So here we are and I am your host with the least, 25 cop outs later and what has changed, nothing much, except we are now running out of time. Never mind we will talk what we can aim for in 30 years, by which time none of us will be world leaders, and we can shove our mess on the next generation to clear up, those that survive.

Some people call me a hypocrite , because I allow a new coal field in Cumbria and a new oil field in the North Sea. I have to say to you, this is what Cop Out 26 means. Say one thing, do another. After all we are scything down ancient woodlands for HS2 train track, my chancellor had a budget only last week, nothing in it for the environment , just the raw sewerage we allow our privatised foreign owned water utilities to dump in our rivers and on our beaches, hahaha.

And, talking about beaches, follow my example, because I do not know what the f**K I am talking about, but we are into wind, and when it is not windy 60% of our electricity is generated by gas. So we have one tidal machine, which of course is guaranteed to work twice a day all year round. We have 7,000 miles of coastline and one tidal machine, who wrote this stuff, I did not write that. Anyway, moving on, I digress, nothing to see here, ignore that last bit. We are also planning a cable from here to the Saudi desert, to tap into their solar panels, because with climate change rain will stop play to often in the UK in future. I love playing with my toys at home, the Lego and Meccano sets, and creating these vanity ventures. I have spent millions of £££s on such failed projects like garden bridges over the Thames, but it does not matter, because as you world leaders know, it is NOT our money to burn, just taxpayers and we don’t care about them do we? Meanwhile the oil and gas companies keep up their donations to keep me in power, so why not let them have favours and the power.

So I say to you……………….

If nature wants a war we will kill it´s fish, crabs, oysters and other wild animals. After all we are used to deaths. People, Covid, NHS waiting lists, farmer´s livestock. Practice makes perfect. And, I say to you world leaders this fantastic turn out for a jolly, except for my donor friends in Russia, and those nuts in Brazil, follow my lead on how to prioritise Police action against Protesters, especially the old with walking sticks, get them off the streets. I saw the other day a 92 year old arrested by 5 burly officers, and I say well done policemen for keeping our streets open. We do not want the peasants revolting do we? WE have also allowed price hikes in electricity and gas, which of course means businesses and homes will not be able to afford it and that will save energy. See, people think I am stupid, a method in my madness.

So It’s a pity the Brazilian Amazon is not represented , but it is being cut down so fast it is becoming a CO2 emitter now, so good job they are not here. Same with my Rubels I mean Russian donors, I mean spies, I mean interferers, I mean friends, sorry, tongue tied there. After all most of Siberia went up in smoke last summer .

So, och aye the noo to you, Fantastic to see you all for this 2 week jolly, just don’t go home with the Johnson Variant, chuckle.

I’m off now to have a gourmet lunch and some scotch , but not with the scotch, my bodyguards will not allow it. So I say don’t worry about it all, crisis what crisis, it’s just another f**k up to me.

Cheerio.""